Traces.

12.31.08. (AM.)

I don't have much to say. Last day of 2008. It's given me a run for my money. But it was nice. A lot of shit, but too much fun to out-weigh it. It was long, but in the same sense, it flew by. I regret a lot. But i'm happy for what i've experienced this year. I met people, i lost people. I knew a million shitty people, i knew a few amazing ones that made up for it. I'm happy about where i'm at.. i think.

Envy on the coast on sunday was different.
Not in a bad way, but maybe not good?
Who am i kidding, always good.
But, very different.
This is weird. But it's them,
and i'll support them regardless.
I know they know what they're
doing and i know i'll probably
always love it.


So here's to 2009.

I'VE ALWAYS HEARD THAT THE GOOD DIE YOUNG.

12.27.08, but into the a.m.

Today, or just this weekend has been crazy so far. and i know it's just going to get better. Yesterday i find out that therefore i am dropped off the lineup, and then i ended up having an amazing time watching our last night anyway. Then today just started to be the worst day ever. And shitty people were being shitty. And everyone was just being a huge ass. And then we get to the palladium, which i hate that venue, and they wouldn't let us go downstairs. They kept telling us we had to go up on the balcony, and i stayed there because i wasn't going to fucking miss lions lions and this bitch that worked there was like I WILL THROW YOU OUT. Like honestly bitch, try me, you don't have that authority. And lions lions was just amazing, and i made it downstairs for them, and found mike, and a loss for words is just so great, and i had the most amazing time ever at four year strong. I've heard nothing but good things about their live experience, and it just lived up to everything i've ever heard.

And it makes me realize that like, everyone can be an ass, and be a bitch and i'll fight with everyone around me, but then i go and just, listen to the music i live for, and go crazy with my best friends. And everything is just, so amazing, no matter what happens prior, when you're there and you get than high you're unable to describe, it's just the best thing in the world. And to just stand there with my best friend and have the best nights of my life just shows that shitty people don't matter, because i have everything i need, and i could never dream of anything better.

Watching everyone tonight, and being a part of it, it was like, all of a sudden it hit me. I never quite realized until tonight. Like, watching everyone at rocko's last week, and last night, and then especially everything tonight, it's just crazy.

It makes me realize that i'm just so thankful for the music scene we have in this area. Honestly, the dedication is crazy. It just makes me realize that these people LIVE for this. I probably sound crazy, but i don't know how to explain it, it's just the most amazing thing in the world to me and i love it.

Envy on the coast tomorrow/tonight.

Fuck you, i love my life <3

Knowing I May Have Been The Cause.

12.24.08

Christmas Eve.
Or christmas technically. 12:34 am. I always wish at this time, rather than 11:11. I never knew why. I've had the girl by city and colour on repeat for hours and hours. It's so beautiful. I have a feeling this christmas will be better. I guess this house has bad luck with holidays or birthdays. But, i feel like this one will be better. Falling asleep on christmas eve is always the worst. I have a day of marathons of a christmas story ahead of me, time for some rest... hopefully hahaha.

And I'd hope you know this song reminds me of you.
because nothing matters anymore. because you did someting right for once, even if you didn't mean to.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Baby It's Cold Outside.

12.21.08

Just don't care, allow everything to hold as little significance to you in your mind as possible, because the less you care about things, the less they can hurt you.

It's winter again. I try never to think about winter days from last year. and i especially try to forget how i ruined you christmas. This vacation will be good. I know it. I'm determined that one day, a holiday or birthday in my household WILL be nice. I'm trying as hard as i can to make this christmas that holiday. But after a certain point, it's not in my hands.

I will not speak.

I'm excited for the next few weeks.
Friday, therefore i am and our last night.
saturday, lions lions and four year strong,
sunday, ENVY ON THE COAST.
Then new year's ever. Then me and Noor might go see lions lions again on the 2nd if we can get there. It it'll all be great until March.

I'm determined to believe this will all be good
no matter how much i wish you were a part of it.

Listening To: Diving Bells and Cinder Blocks - Lions Lions

Carolina.

12.19.08

Half day today, then a blizzard, which is still going on right now. We have over a foot of snow, and i love it. I went to Noor's and we made peppermint cookies, just to be festive. Then of course, we made playdoh, and went out to play in the snow, because we're still little kids when it comes to winter days.
Therefore i am was supposed to be tonight but it got postponed until next friday. I'm going to sleep now, then going to the mall early tomorrow with talia. Then tomorrow night, going up to manchester for Vanna and Lions Lions with Nora.

GO HERE! ahahhaha if you know these people, it will be the funniest thing in the world to you. I can't post the actualy picture because it needs to be kind of big for you to see everything.
GO! CLICK HERE! GO! CLICK!


Listening To: Why oh Why - Brighten.

Hold On Blogspot.

12.16.08.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. SERIOUSLY. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE SOMETIMES. More like, since the beginning of this school year, I can honestly say that i've realized i hate 90% of the people i know. I walk into school and see two different pregnant girls within like, twenty minutes. One of them is wearing a shirt that reads "i'm not fat, i'm knocked up." Like, OH I'M SO SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE FUCKING STOKED TO BE PREGNANT. Honestly, that's a good thing for you to take responsibility and have the child, but you don't really need to parade your sixteen year old ass around school fucking boasting about it. And the fact that one of our seniors, who is supposed to represent our school, went to a school event with her shirt rolled all the way up, and "MHS MILF" painted on her belly, is just fucking dispicable. In every fucking class of mine, i just sit there and try not to say anything. All i hear around me is this girl or that girl talking about how fucking amazing she is and how it's OBVIOUS that every guy on the face of the earth OBVIOUSLY wants her shit. And i USED to think i could be obnoxious, but some fucking people are just go out of their fucking way to be noticed, like chill the fuck out. Then at home, i'm cleaning the kitchen and my dad is like "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY." It's like, OH I'M SO SORRY I WAS TRYING TO DO AS I'M TOLD. And he actually says things like "GO AHEAD AND TALK BACK TO ME, I'M LOOKING FOR REASONS TO TAKE YOUR THINGS." Did it ever occur to you that that is not fucking normal? Take my computer, or phone, or whatever if i do something WRONG or rightfully deserving punishment but don't fucking sit there and make up reasons to spite me. And i don't even want to get started on the next person. I sit through my entire day of hooligans and stupids girls that ARE JUST SO FUCKING FRESH just to catch those few minutes when i get to say hi to you. It's crazy that it's been so long and you could still make me smile even if i was about to fall into a volcanoe or something. you honestly have no idea how much i love you for that.
AND TO TOP IT ALL FUCKING OFF.
my phone broke last night. FUCK YOU LG. i hate you. I want it to be february so i can get my upgrade.

NEEDS TO BE FEBRUARY SO I CAN GET THIS.


and joe clay is probably going to kick my ass on friday.
JOE CLAY YOU'RE SO FUCKING FRESH, YOU'RE LIKE A RIPE BANANA. BYE.

Decembers.

12.13.08

It's like clockwork really.
It's Decemer again, and it's all happening, again.
The exact same way, it's all happening again.
Right in front of me,
all that's left to do is pray i don't make the same mistakes as i did last time.
I just under estimated how hard it would be to do that.
and sometimes, i still don't believe you forgive me.

Don't Be So Hard.

12.10.08

I give up on you. Liar.

I have my reality baby until friday. It cries every three seconds.
EDIT // I wrote that twenty minutes ago and then had to go take care of the stupid baby, it won't shut up.

Whatever, honestly, i just give up. On anything i ever thought. As far as you're concerned. I don't want to. But i am.

edit // oh and also, i was just curious how many times i am going to have to tell you that i am terribly attracted to you for some crazy reason unknown to me, before you get it.


Listening To: ships - when girls kiss girls

Hair As Black As Night.

12.8.08.

Currently sitting here as my hair dye sets in. My hair hasn't been black in quite some time. I bought the dye about a month ago and kept forgetting, so i figured i should just get on it.
Oh and to be honest, you make me change my mind like i didn't even know possible.
Oh and, you have no idea how happy i am for things to finally be back to normal as far as we're concerned. It's been a while.

Ten days in counting until i get my camera <3
i'm too excited for this.


Oh and I'm also just having a laugh at how much i over exaggerate things.


Listening To: Temper Temper acoustic - envy on the coast.

The Epitome Of Faith.

12.07.08

I get to take home my reality baby tomorrow, what a joy. But in reality, this is going to be horrible. It cries like a bitch, and you have to feed it and change it and rock it, and it wakes you up at night crying so loud. This, is going, to be, a nightmare. Haha i just remember this time a few months ago when me, kati, talia and sweenes spent the night in kati's camper in her driveway. Fun times with those girls, i can't believe i've known Kati since i was like four, and Chelsee since we were about eight i think. It's crazy, when we were little we'd have sleep over and talk about how crazy it would be to be like, big bad eight graders, and how we couldn't wait to be in highschool, and feeling like it was a lifetime away. It's nice to sit here today, and be a sophomore and still be able to say we've stayed friends all these years.
I like how i just spun into a crazy old story, but it's nice to think about that every once in a while.

Someone should really just make it the 18th. Hopefully i'll be getting my camera that day. Then the last day of school is the 19th, and also that day, therefore i am and our last night. Then the next day, Lions Lions and Vanna. Then christmas a few days later, then four year strong on the 27th, and ENVY ON THE MOTHER FUCKING COAST the day after that. Hahahah, just saying.

Goodnight crazy fools. PS: i sent in a postsecret.


Listening To: I'm Breathing.. Are You breathing Too? - Envy On The Coast

We Can Go To Seattle.

12.3.08.

Happy Birthday Mike Carden! =]

Got the new Ap today, so happy. New used record out in February, so, stoked. It's not even funny haha. But apparently the new eotc won't be out until August. Or maybe even longer, it's gonna kill me to wait that long for new jams.

I'm so tired, i could sit here and think of something to say but i'm in great need of sleep.


AND LOL JUST SAYIN'

i have no life.


Listening To: Bob Dylan's 115th Nightmare - The Gay Blades