www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
I miss Maggie. I miss the used. I miss last summer. I hate waiting for this summer. I miss being nocturnal. Our first few softball games have gone well. I miss Talia and the best friend she once before she got fucking stolen. I don't think I could express in words how much this is true.
Make a tumblr dude. follow me.
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
If You See Something.
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
One of the best things in my life is looking forward to the amazing 2/3 days this will be.
Softball's been going fine. My friends are great. I'll get to see Maggie a few times this month. The weather is amazing. Life is good.
Check the tumblr,
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
follow me there.
One of the best things in my life is looking forward to the amazing 2/3 days this will be.
Softball's been going fine. My friends are great. I'll get to see Maggie a few times this month. The weather is amazing. Life is good.
Check the tumblr,
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
follow me there.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
www.mollyxftw.tumblr.com
My life's been great. Softball starts next week. Hit up my new blog and follow me or whatever.
and for the record, senses fail was GREAT. the new house of blues is alright.
My life's been great. Softball starts next week. Hit up my new blog and follow me or whatever.
and for the record, senses fail was GREAT. the new house of blues is alright.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Team Up! Team Up!
2.27.09
Let's talk about how Four Year Strong is like a fucking drug. I can't believe it was only about three months ago that I barely listened to this band. Nora dug a hole in my brain and poured them in, and it was history from there. I'm happy she did. Every time I see them, it's just so much fucking fun. For some reason I just have a lot more fun seeing them, than a lot of other bands. Tonight was so great, they put me in such a good mood. Despite my strong dislike for Bring Me The Horizon, I have to admit they put on a decent live show. Pretty sad that Lions Lions didn't get to play, but Nora and I will see them tomorrow anyway.
And for the record, I was wrong. The entire time. It was me that was the asshole. And you that was the sweetheart. You look out for me and I recognize that, I'm sorry it took me so long, too long.
Let's talk about how Four Year Strong is like a fucking drug. I can't believe it was only about three months ago that I barely listened to this band. Nora dug a hole in my brain and poured them in, and it was history from there. I'm happy she did. Every time I see them, it's just so much fucking fun. For some reason I just have a lot more fun seeing them, than a lot of other bands. Tonight was so great, they put me in such a good mood. Despite my strong dislike for Bring Me The Horizon, I have to admit they put on a decent live show. Pretty sad that Lions Lions didn't get to play, but Nora and I will see them tomorrow anyway.
And for the record, I was wrong. The entire time. It was me that was the asshole. And you that was the sweetheart. You look out for me and I recognize that, I'm sorry it took me so long, too long.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Don't Stop Just Sip It Down.
2.25.09
Happy Birthday Bert McCracken.
Oh, & myself as well =]
My birthday was nice. Plain and simple, and wonderful. I'm going to get my permit tomorrow, here's to hoping I don't fail. I'm excited for Friday, Four Year Strong with Noor and Steven. Then Lions Lions Saturday night, and having some family over Sunday. This weekend should be nice as well. I have three weeks left, we'll see where everything goes after that... and if we'll wind up the same way. And here's to praying for all my life's worth that we'll never ever have to go through that again.
Got me and Talia's Senses Fail tickets. SO. FUCKING. EXCITED. This is going to be good, I'm excited, and No Doubt's tour dates came out today, June 20th, not sure if I'll be out of school yet or not but that's besides the point. The point is it's Summer, it's beautiful weather and great music, and good times with good friends.
CAN'T. WAIT.
Happy Birthday Bert McCracken.
Oh, & myself as well =]
My birthday was nice. Plain and simple, and wonderful. I'm going to get my permit tomorrow, here's to hoping I don't fail. I'm excited for Friday, Four Year Strong with Noor and Steven. Then Lions Lions Saturday night, and having some family over Sunday. This weekend should be nice as well. I have three weeks left, we'll see where everything goes after that... and if we'll wind up the same way. And here's to praying for all my life's worth that we'll never ever have to go through that again.
Got me and Talia's Senses Fail tickets. SO. FUCKING. EXCITED. This is going to be good, I'm excited, and No Doubt's tour dates came out today, June 20th, not sure if I'll be out of school yet or not but that's besides the point. The point is it's Summer, it's beautiful weather and great music, and good times with good friends.
CAN'T. WAIT.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I Want The Avalon Back.
2.22.09
Cool, POS is playing Harper's tonight and I can't go because it's 18+. My birthday is on Wednesday. We were going to go into the city for some birthday fun, but instead we're all just staying home. Me, my best friends, home, maybe working on a project, it'll be another Wednesday, except with a few candles. I was thinking about it the other day, why do birthdays have to be so special. I mean, I was thinking to myself "I want my birthday to be great! We have to do something really fun!" Why? It's just another day of the year. Day 56/365. Nothing special, I'll just have to write or say a different number when asked my age from now on.
I wanted to write something completely different. Maybe I'll just start here, stereotypical rant of missing and wanting. I haven't been to the new house of blues yet, I hear it's pretty amazing, but it just opened Friday. Senses Fail is playing in a few weeks there, and for the past few months I've been thinking about how bad I want to go. They were probably one of the very first bands I ever really liked, among a few other bands. There's a piece of paper on my wall that I ripped off the front of a magazine a little over four years ago. More specifically the first issue of AP I ever purchased. I didn't even know what AP was, I just bought it because senses was on it.
To the point, I'm praying I'll make it to see them, it's been a long time. But more specifically, I wish I was showing up at the Avalon to see them. I miss that place. I miss the memories. I miss the first time I ever went there with Talia. I miss the place where I first saw TREOS, and envy on the coast, and the time i missed senses fail and saosin because my mom thought I shouldn't be there.
I want the Avalon back.
Cool, POS is playing Harper's tonight and I can't go because it's 18+. My birthday is on Wednesday. We were going to go into the city for some birthday fun, but instead we're all just staying home. Me, my best friends, home, maybe working on a project, it'll be another Wednesday, except with a few candles. I was thinking about it the other day, why do birthdays have to be so special. I mean, I was thinking to myself "I want my birthday to be great! We have to do something really fun!" Why? It's just another day of the year. Day 56/365. Nothing special, I'll just have to write or say a different number when asked my age from now on.
I wanted to write something completely different. Maybe I'll just start here, stereotypical rant of missing and wanting. I haven't been to the new house of blues yet, I hear it's pretty amazing, but it just opened Friday. Senses Fail is playing in a few weeks there, and for the past few months I've been thinking about how bad I want to go. They were probably one of the very first bands I ever really liked, among a few other bands. There's a piece of paper on my wall that I ripped off the front of a magazine a little over four years ago. More specifically the first issue of AP I ever purchased. I didn't even know what AP was, I just bought it because senses was on it.
To the point, I'm praying I'll make it to see them, it's been a long time. But more specifically, I wish I was showing up at the Avalon to see them. I miss that place. I miss the memories. I miss the first time I ever went there with Talia. I miss the place where I first saw TREOS, and envy on the coast, and the time i missed senses fail and saosin because my mom thought I shouldn't be there.
I want the Avalon back.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
May Is The Turn Around.
2.19.09
I'm back in New England, and for the first in a while, I actually really resent this place. Perhaps it's only because of the seven beautiful days I just spent all over Alabama. Noor and I went to the Gulf, the sand and water are beautiful, any day of the year. I return to 30 degree weather, ice, snow, nagging and bitching, broken promises. I wish I had the heart to move. My cousin and Noor and I went to this old park i used to spend all of my week days at when I lived in Creola. The ball park and the merry go round. I love that place. Our plans may have taken a terrible turn but I have faith that what happens is best. I just want it to be May. May is always the turn around. At least it was last year, let's hope it is again. Then again this year, there's nothing to turn around, and I'm thankful for that. So here's to hoping May makes the good... even better? This has potential. I could mention to someone that i still may care about you, a lot.
Senses Fail 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm praying this will work out. It'll add to that crashback of memories I've had this past week. It's been a while.
I'm back in New England, and for the first in a while, I actually really resent this place. Perhaps it's only because of the seven beautiful days I just spent all over Alabama. Noor and I went to the Gulf, the sand and water are beautiful, any day of the year. I return to 30 degree weather, ice, snow, nagging and bitching, broken promises. I wish I had the heart to move. My cousin and Noor and I went to this old park i used to spend all of my week days at when I lived in Creola. The ball park and the merry go round. I love that place. Our plans may have taken a terrible turn but I have faith that what happens is best. I just want it to be May. May is always the turn around. At least it was last year, let's hope it is again. Then again this year, there's nothing to turn around, and I'm thankful for that. So here's to hoping May makes the good... even better? This has potential. I could mention to someone that i still may care about you, a lot.
Senses Fail 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm praying this will work out. It'll add to that crashback of memories I've had this past week. It's been a while.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Llegue.
2.15.09
It's February, and Noor and I spent all day outside and on the beach, even after it got dark. The pieces of time we were inside were spent with a door open to allow the sounds of crashing waves to flutter in. The weather has been beautiful. Next week is my birthday, and four year strong, and lions lions, and it's going to be fun. I'm excited, but not to leaves here. I always miss this weather, and my family, and my dogs, and now my Aunt's crazy ass fucking clementines, and all the good vibes around here.
Oh and I get my permit next week too, love driving.
This internet connection sucks.
It's February, and Noor and I spent all day outside and on the beach, even after it got dark. The pieces of time we were inside were spent with a door open to allow the sounds of crashing waves to flutter in. The weather has been beautiful. Next week is my birthday, and four year strong, and lions lions, and it's going to be fun. I'm excited, but not to leaves here. I always miss this weather, and my family, and my dogs, and now my Aunt's crazy ass fucking clementines, and all the good vibes around here.
Oh and I get my permit next week too, love driving.
This internet connection sucks.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Which Stage Is This?
Have you ever been in a situation where something happened, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't ever recognize it in your mind as actually having happened? I guess by the way it's described you could call it denial. But that's not really what it is... not for me at least. I'm not denying in any way that is happened, but i just can't honestly believe it. I feel like in a few moments I'm going to wake up... or Talia is going to tell me it was all just a joke. Envy on the coast held extra respect from me because they were always so equal, they always appeared in my mind as five 20% pieces to this magnificent puzzle. No piece represented more than any other piece. You could laugh at me or tell me I'm acting as if someone close to me has passed away. I know it's slightly over-done, the way I'm thinking about this and processing it. But these people represented so much in my life. Their words and music spoke when I could not. I found comfort in the music they create when I could not find comfort in anything else. But yes, this sure as hell seems like an over reaction.
Back to my initial statement, I don't think I will ever be able to look at them and seriously recognize them as a four-piece... Or look at them with a new member and see them as "Envy On The Coast." It just doesn't seem right. They've been my absolute favorite band since the moment I heard of them about 2 years ago. In that time I've been privelaged enough to witness them live eleven times. Eleven of the most fun nights of my life, no doubt about it. One of those nights I've even always considered to be "THE best night of my life." I could write a books worth of memories regarding them, and every single one could make me crack a smile. Because of them I've met some of the greatest and nicest people. Moriah, Liz, Amanda, Mia, Keaton, Cassieandra who I became so close to, all of the girls on the boards, and especially Erika, who's one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met, and Maggie, who is probably the greatest friend I've ever had in my life.
In the past few months I sort of thought to myself how things appeared to be beginning to change...
But to sit here and think that this is just never going to be the way they originally were, just drives me crazy, and saddens me to a point of disbelief.
You arrogant son of a bitch.
Call me an over reaction because,
Yes, this all just set in on me.
Back to my initial statement, I don't think I will ever be able to look at them and seriously recognize them as a four-piece... Or look at them with a new member and see them as "Envy On The Coast." It just doesn't seem right. They've been my absolute favorite band since the moment I heard of them about 2 years ago. In that time I've been privelaged enough to witness them live eleven times. Eleven of the most fun nights of my life, no doubt about it. One of those nights I've even always considered to be "THE best night of my life." I could write a books worth of memories regarding them, and every single one could make me crack a smile. Because of them I've met some of the greatest and nicest people. Moriah, Liz, Amanda, Mia, Keaton, Cassieandra who I became so close to, all of the girls on the boards, and especially Erika, who's one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met, and Maggie, who is probably the greatest friend I've ever had in my life.
In the past few months I sort of thought to myself how things appeared to be beginning to change...
But to sit here and think that this is just never going to be the way they originally were, just drives me crazy, and saddens me to a point of disbelief.
You arrogant son of a bitch.
Call me an over reaction because,
Yes, this all just set in on me.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Four... Really?
2.9.09
Found out today that Dan Gluszak is no longer in envy on the coast. I don't have anything to say, sad news.
^^^ sup best night of my life thus far.
Found out today that Dan Gluszak is no longer in envy on the coast. I don't have anything to say, sad news.
^^^ sup best night of my life thus far.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
History Just Hasn't Happened Yet.
2.8.09
It's beautiful out. Mid 50's, windy, partially cloudy but still a bit sunny. This is my absolute favorite weather in the world. I'm attempting to fix my old film camera. If I can't then I'll have to try to get it fixed somewhere, which will most likely be the case.
I really want to go to Boston today and just walk around and enjoy this nice day. Softball conflicts, as always, but it'll pay off during the season.
I love February.
It's beautiful out. Mid 50's, windy, partially cloudy but still a bit sunny. This is my absolute favorite weather in the world. I'm attempting to fix my old film camera. If I can't then I'll have to try to get it fixed somewhere, which will most likely be the case.
I really want to go to Boston today and just walk around and enjoy this nice day. Softball conflicts, as always, but it'll pay off during the season.
I love February.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Anthem, Pt. 2
2.7.09
I don't really know how to compile this thought into words. I change my mind more often than I sleep. I'm tired of 90% of the people here, just as much as I'm sure they're tired of me.
Then again, I get such a kick out of people, not always in the good way, but they amuse me more than they'll ever know. Not even any people in particular, but just the audacity of some people. Completely random. Because every single person's mind is completely different. We all have few things in common, we're all human, and we're all scum. Myself included, definately included.
It cracks me up how some people that I dispise the most have the ability to make me smile. How many times have I had a conversation such as, "I hate that bitch, but damn she makes me laugh."...? A lot.
I no longer put any more thought into anything than it requires.
Breathe in, smile, breathe out, left foot, right foot, breathe in, smile, breathe out. repeat.
I'm alive. Smile.
I don't really know how to compile this thought into words. I change my mind more often than I sleep. I'm tired of 90% of the people here, just as much as I'm sure they're tired of me.
Then again, I get such a kick out of people, not always in the good way, but they amuse me more than they'll ever know. Not even any people in particular, but just the audacity of some people. Completely random. Because every single person's mind is completely different. We all have few things in common, we're all human, and we're all scum. Myself included, definately included.
It cracks me up how some people that I dispise the most have the ability to make me smile. How many times have I had a conversation such as, "I hate that bitch, but damn she makes me laugh."...? A lot.
I no longer put any more thought into anything than it requires.
Breathe in, smile, breathe out, left foot, right foot, breathe in, smile, breathe out. repeat.
I'm alive. Smile.
Friday, February 6, 2009
M.K.M.4.N.
2.6.09
I completely forget what I was going to say when I typed this page into the browser.
I miss everything about last weekend. My good friends, one of my favorite bands, one of my favorite places, fun. No drama, no worries, just good times.
I miss that. I wish I lived farther south and then every weekend could be like that.
I love the cold weather, but I'm sure as hell ready for a few days of 65 degrees. I just want to sleep until thursday, wake up, get on a plane with Nora and go to Alabama. Gulf coast can do you a lot of good.
I'm excited for that, and I'm excited for a bunch of things going on right after we get back. My birthday, four year strong, lions lions, a weekend in Connecticut with Maggie.And I'm still terrified for mid-march, and waiting to see how it will all play out.
I slept a lot today, and I'm going to sleep a whole lot more.
I completely forget what I was going to say when I typed this page into the browser.
I miss everything about last weekend. My good friends, one of my favorite bands, one of my favorite places, fun. No drama, no worries, just good times.
I miss that. I wish I lived farther south and then every weekend could be like that.
I love the cold weather, but I'm sure as hell ready for a few days of 65 degrees. I just want to sleep until thursday, wake up, get on a plane with Nora and go to Alabama. Gulf coast can do you a lot of good.
I'm excited for that, and I'm excited for a bunch of things going on right after we get back. My birthday, four year strong, lions lions, a weekend in Connecticut with Maggie.And I'm still terrified for mid-march, and waiting to see how it will all play out.
I slept a lot today, and I'm going to sleep a whole lot more.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Oh, Life, How I Love Thee.
2.5.09
There's something I absolutely love.
When you have friends, and you love them. You know that each one of us has flaws, and you fight. But it never gets dragged out. You know you're going to get over it anyway, so why would you bother fighting? Take Talia for instance, we could get so pissed at each other, I'll scream, she'll scream.
Then I'll walk up to her 15 minutes later and the two of us will start cracking up as if nothing ever happened. I love that, more than words could describe.
Fighting is a such a waste of your life time.
Anger is a useless emotion.
I'd really like to move to Norwood.
There's something I absolutely love.
When you have friends, and you love them. You know that each one of us has flaws, and you fight. But it never gets dragged out. You know you're going to get over it anyway, so why would you bother fighting? Take Talia for instance, we could get so pissed at each other, I'll scream, she'll scream.
Then I'll walk up to her 15 minutes later and the two of us will start cracking up as if nothing ever happened. I love that, more than words could describe.
Fighting is a such a waste of your life time.
Anger is a useless emotion.
I'd really like to move to Norwood.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Can Shake The Graves.
2.2.09
This weekend was, just so indescribably great. For something I was kind of worried about, I had more fun than I ever could have possibly imagined. I love Norwood, I love New England weather, I love everything about Providence, and going to new places. I love my best friends. I love long walks, and photographs. I love using the super bowl as an excuse to hang out late on Sunday nights, even if we only really needed that excuse when we were younger. I love songs that you can listen to on repeat for two days straight. I love Clark and Puppy, their obnoxiousness and ability to make you smile like you've never smiled before. I love being at the top of the hill by Nora's house at night, when you can look out over all of the lights, and anything that matters in our town, and that feeling you get when you're up there, as if you're on top of the world. I love that I can sit next to you and look at you and honestly not care anymore. I love the gay blades, and I wish i could see them more. As much as I love the cold, I miss the summer and the warm weather so much right now. Steven made me miss it. One of the most distinctive things about summer is that I'd stay up until 5 or 6 am every night, usually talking to Steven the whole time. I remember when he went to Greece and I was sad because I didn't have anyone to talk to at those late hours anymore. Me and Nora are going to Alabama next week and it's going to do me so good. If it's even possible for me to be in a better mood than I have been Lately.
I love weeks on end where I'm in the best mood possible. I make the poor mistake of taking so much for granted and I'm trying as hard as possible to not do that.
I love my best friends, live music, funny people, living, breathing, anyone that has a positive outlook on life, and I can't wait for the summer time.
I miss when I used to hug you and never let go for a good five minutes. When everything in my life could be seemingly falling apart, but for that time I was in your arms, I was safe, I had literally nothing to worry about. I miss having that so much. But I'm loving more than anything else in life, that I don't have any reasons to need to run to you.
It's almost March.
I'm so scared this will all go away.
Please don't let it fall apart.
This weekend was, just so indescribably great. For something I was kind of worried about, I had more fun than I ever could have possibly imagined. I love Norwood, I love New England weather, I love everything about Providence, and going to new places. I love my best friends. I love long walks, and photographs. I love using the super bowl as an excuse to hang out late on Sunday nights, even if we only really needed that excuse when we were younger. I love songs that you can listen to on repeat for two days straight. I love Clark and Puppy, their obnoxiousness and ability to make you smile like you've never smiled before. I love being at the top of the hill by Nora's house at night, when you can look out over all of the lights, and anything that matters in our town, and that feeling you get when you're up there, as if you're on top of the world. I love that I can sit next to you and look at you and honestly not care anymore. I love the gay blades, and I wish i could see them more. As much as I love the cold, I miss the summer and the warm weather so much right now. Steven made me miss it. One of the most distinctive things about summer is that I'd stay up until 5 or 6 am every night, usually talking to Steven the whole time. I remember when he went to Greece and I was sad because I didn't have anyone to talk to at those late hours anymore. Me and Nora are going to Alabama next week and it's going to do me so good. If it's even possible for me to be in a better mood than I have been Lately.
I love weeks on end where I'm in the best mood possible. I make the poor mistake of taking so much for granted and I'm trying as hard as possible to not do that.
I love my best friends, live music, funny people, living, breathing, anyone that has a positive outlook on life, and I can't wait for the summer time.
I miss when I used to hug you and never let go for a good five minutes. When everything in my life could be seemingly falling apart, but for that time I was in your arms, I was safe, I had literally nothing to worry about. I miss having that so much. But I'm loving more than anything else in life, that I don't have any reasons to need to run to you.
It's almost March.
I'm so scared this will all go away.
Please don't let it fall apart.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sleep Is For The Weak.
1.30.09
And apparently very weak, I am. I'm so tired, my room is about 40 degrees right now. I've yet to finish getting ready for Maggie's in the morning, and I have to get up in about 7 hours.
The Gay Blades tomorrow is going to be great. I haven't seen them since August. I already had tickets to motion city soundtrack the night they were here in September and their date in November I had tickets to, ended up getting cancelled.
I'm exciteddddddddddd =]
and terrified and nervous and worried about the next two days.
I love Providence and weekends where I get to stay at my best friends house.
And apparently very weak, I am. I'm so tired, my room is about 40 degrees right now. I've yet to finish getting ready for Maggie's in the morning, and I have to get up in about 7 hours.
The Gay Blades tomorrow is going to be great. I haven't seen them since August. I already had tickets to motion city soundtrack the night they were here in September and their date in November I had tickets to, ended up getting cancelled.
I'm exciteddddddddddd =]
and terrified and nervous and worried about the next two days.
I love Providence and weekends where I get to stay at my best friends house.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
We're Not So Far Away.
11.28.09
Me and Nora went to find a polaroid camera and found out that production, as well as production of polaroid film, had been discontinued. Three days later I find out that production is going to start up again.
I really love irony sometimes, it's great.
It's been way, way too long since I've seen the used.
And i really can't wait for the 12th to go see my family and spend a week in warm weather with Noor.
Me and Nora went to find a polaroid camera and found out that production, as well as production of polaroid film, had been discontinued. Three days later I find out that production is going to start up again.
I really love irony sometimes, it's great.
It's been way, way too long since I've seen the used.
And i really can't wait for the 12th to go see my family and spend a week in warm weather with Noor.
Remember Kids.
ALWAYS RECYCLE.
And if you need a little something to motivate you,
Mitchell Davis always gets the job done.
And if you need a little something to motivate you,
Mitchell Davis always gets the job done.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Polaroids.
1.25.09
I am terrible at using the mousepad on my laptop. I can never get the mouse in the right place, and it takes me forever, etc. I have a wireless mouse, but the battery is dead. So i took the battery out and put a new one in... backwards, so now it's stuck and a bulldozer couldn't get it out. Oh well. I have hitting this morning and i hope it doesn't rip my hands apart as usual. Noor and I are going to get a polaroid camera later today. The film is so expensive, and I'm so cheap haha. But I think it's worth it, it's much more personal than any digital photo you could take. And if someday I find a shoebox full of polaroids I took around this time, I'm going to love it more than anything in the world. So, it's worth it. We're going to take it on vacation with us. And then cover our walls with them... so maybe scratch that shoebox idea?
Speaking of, yesterday i found a shoebox under my bed with an assortment of nicknacks and notes and other things you never really need but you feel compelled to keep a little while longer. In there i found gym class heroes tickets from 2006. It made me smile because i had been listening to papercut chronicles all day. There's a few records that soundtrack my winters, every year. And every year they sound a little bit sweeter. It's as if these sounds are wine, getting better with age. Either way, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
I meant for this to be a few lines long... I guess you could say I tend to take the long way around saying something short. I'll add that to the list of what I do wrong daily.
I am terrible at using the mousepad on my laptop. I can never get the mouse in the right place, and it takes me forever, etc. I have a wireless mouse, but the battery is dead. So i took the battery out and put a new one in... backwards, so now it's stuck and a bulldozer couldn't get it out. Oh well. I have hitting this morning and i hope it doesn't rip my hands apart as usual. Noor and I are going to get a polaroid camera later today. The film is so expensive, and I'm so cheap haha. But I think it's worth it, it's much more personal than any digital photo you could take. And if someday I find a shoebox full of polaroids I took around this time, I'm going to love it more than anything in the world. So, it's worth it. We're going to take it on vacation with us. And then cover our walls with them... so maybe scratch that shoebox idea?
Speaking of, yesterday i found a shoebox under my bed with an assortment of nicknacks and notes and other things you never really need but you feel compelled to keep a little while longer. In there i found gym class heroes tickets from 2006. It made me smile because i had been listening to papercut chronicles all day. There's a few records that soundtrack my winters, every year. And every year they sound a little bit sweeter. It's as if these sounds are wine, getting better with age. Either way, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
I meant for this to be a few lines long... I guess you could say I tend to take the long way around saying something short. I'll add that to the list of what I do wrong daily.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
btdubz.
I also had a dream that I got on my plane and went to Alabama and then like two days later I remembered that Noor was supposed to come with me and I got so pissed and I tried to tell her to catch another plane there.
Oh and this really brootal kid was there.
Oh and this really brootal kid was there.
Before This Wave Crashes Over Us.
1.24.09
I'm so excited for:
January 31st.
February 6th.
February 12th.
February 25th.
February 27th.
February 28th.
March 5th & 6th.
March 7th.
April 29th.
You know, love my life.
I'm so excited for:
January 31st.
February 6th.
February 12th.
February 25th.
February 27th.
February 28th.
March 5th & 6th.
March 7th.
April 29th.
You know, love my life.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wow.
1.23.09.
I'm a huge asshole. But not in the way that I'm mean. I'm just fucking stupid. I overthink, I overspeak, and every descision I ever make bites me in the ass in some way sooner or later. I'm surrounded by really shitty people. Even people who I consider to be closest to me. Who's to say I'm not just as shitty. Because I am, but just more in the way that I make a fool out of myself without realizing until a few minutes later. You can TRUST ME on this one, I fully recognize just how much everyone views me as a thorn in their side, the person they'd rather do without having to acknowledge everyday. I comprehend it, and beat myself up over it much, much more than you'll ever believe.
Nevermind, I'm just a stupid girl with no spine.
I couldn't stand up for myself if my life depended on it.
Nevermind, I'm just a stupid girl with no spine.
I couldn't stand up for myself if my life depended on it.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
It's The Little Things You Miss.
1.17.09
I've been unseemingly blank, despite the excitement I've surely experienced this past week or so. It's funny to me how ideas pop into your mind and only hours later you've already done what you were thinking of. I remember the land where things took careful planning, long waiting and anticipation. I find myself acting on impulse, lately, more than ever before. Then again i find myself over worrying about every little thing. Wait a second, i've always done that...
This time last year, i NEVER would have imagined myself like this. Okay, maybe a little, maybe i even reallllly wanted myself to be more like this but i never thought i could actually do it.
Who am i kidding? I live for words spoken by those i admire. My brain feeds on words that make it think. There are a few select people and phrases that are responsible for my brain telling my lungs to keep breathing.
No, I'm not different than i ever was.
Why are you talking to me. why are you doing this to me. i was done.and then you had to go and fucking ruin it. because you're a ruiner. and that's all you are. the end.
Listening To: As Much As I Ever Could - City and Colour.
I've been unseemingly blank, despite the excitement I've surely experienced this past week or so. It's funny to me how ideas pop into your mind and only hours later you've already done what you were thinking of. I remember the land where things took careful planning, long waiting and anticipation. I find myself acting on impulse, lately, more than ever before. Then again i find myself over worrying about every little thing. Wait a second, i've always done that...
This time last year, i NEVER would have imagined myself like this. Okay, maybe a little, maybe i even reallllly wanted myself to be more like this but i never thought i could actually do it.
Who am i kidding? I live for words spoken by those i admire. My brain feeds on words that make it think. There are a few select people and phrases that are responsible for my brain telling my lungs to keep breathing.
No, I'm not different than i ever was.
Why are you talking to me. why are you doing this to me. i was done.and then you had to go and fucking ruin it. because you're a ruiner. and that's all you are. the end.
Listening To: As Much As I Ever Could - City and Colour.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
1.7.08.
Stop.
Stop Thinking.
Stop wanting to give in.
Stop caring.
Stop trying to fix the past.
Stop losing what you worked for.
Stop trying to make it how it was before.
Stop trying to bring back old times.
Stop trying to fix it.
Get over it.
Accept It.
Aceept Change.
Accept Endings.
Stop Thinking.
Stop trying.
DON'T CAVE IN.
Because for every time i tell myself that you don't exist in my life anymore, there's a piece of me that wants to still care. And there's also a piece of me just dying to try and fix it. Because i can't leave well enough alone.
The End.
Stop.
Stop Thinking.
Stop wanting to give in.
Stop caring.
Stop trying to fix the past.
Stop losing what you worked for.
Stop trying to make it how it was before.
Stop trying to bring back old times.
Stop trying to fix it.
Get over it.
Accept It.
Aceept Change.
Accept Endings.
Stop Thinking.
Stop trying.
DON'T CAVE IN.
Because for every time i tell myself that you don't exist in my life anymore, there's a piece of me that wants to still care. And there's also a piece of me just dying to try and fix it. Because i can't leave well enough alone.
The End.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Because Of What Haunts Me.
1.2.09
It feels so weird to write 2009. I don't feel like it's 2009. Not at all, not in the least bit. A part of me still feels like it's november 2004. A tiny fraction of a percentage of me feels like it's 2009. But the rest of me just feels like every day of 2008 is happening all at once. Literally. Maybe it's because so much happened, and i'm not ready to let any of it go. Or maybe it's because all i really want to do is let it all go. I really don't know. I can't think lately. I don't want to think about the past. And i sure as hell don't want to think about the future. I'm starting to live each day seperately. I don't incorporate things from past, and i don't depend on or lean towards the future. Because right now, the future scares the life out of me. I wish i could take each individual day, and strecth it out for a month. How many times have i said this next statement? I really don't like people. I know too many shitty people. And half the reasons i consider people to be shitty, i fit those descriptions. But the point is, i have the best friends in the world. I know that. And i know that they're all i need right now, and all i could probably need in the future. I live for them. I live for the words of people who really know what they're talking about. For the first time in my life, I know why i'm here, I know what I've come to realize, i know how to be strong. Even though, i feel nothing like that. I have no idea what's going on. Here's to living for today. This could wreck me or save me.
I know who I love, I know who I need. And to be completely honest with you, I could care less if everyone else dropped off the face of the earth. Bye.
"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us."
It feels so weird to write 2009. I don't feel like it's 2009. Not at all, not in the least bit. A part of me still feels like it's november 2004. A tiny fraction of a percentage of me feels like it's 2009. But the rest of me just feels like every day of 2008 is happening all at once. Literally. Maybe it's because so much happened, and i'm not ready to let any of it go. Or maybe it's because all i really want to do is let it all go. I really don't know. I can't think lately. I don't want to think about the past. And i sure as hell don't want to think about the future. I'm starting to live each day seperately. I don't incorporate things from past, and i don't depend on or lean towards the future. Because right now, the future scares the life out of me. I wish i could take each individual day, and strecth it out for a month. How many times have i said this next statement? I really don't like people. I know too many shitty people. And half the reasons i consider people to be shitty, i fit those descriptions. But the point is, i have the best friends in the world. I know that. And i know that they're all i need right now, and all i could probably need in the future. I live for them. I live for the words of people who really know what they're talking about. For the first time in my life, I know why i'm here, I know what I've come to realize, i know how to be strong. Even though, i feel nothing like that. I have no idea what's going on. Here's to living for today. This could wreck me or save me.
I know who I love, I know who I need. And to be completely honest with you, I could care less if everyone else dropped off the face of the earth. Bye.
"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us."
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