1.30.09
And apparently very weak, I am. I'm so tired, my room is about 40 degrees right now. I've yet to finish getting ready for Maggie's in the morning, and I have to get up in about 7 hours.
The Gay Blades tomorrow is going to be great. I haven't seen them since August. I already had tickets to motion city soundtrack the night they were here in September and their date in November I had tickets to, ended up getting cancelled.
I'm exciteddddddddddd =]
and terrified and nervous and worried about the next two days.
I love Providence and weekends where I get to stay at my best friends house.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
We're Not So Far Away.
11.28.09
Me and Nora went to find a polaroid camera and found out that production, as well as production of polaroid film, had been discontinued. Three days later I find out that production is going to start up again.
I really love irony sometimes, it's great.
It's been way, way too long since I've seen the used.
And i really can't wait for the 12th to go see my family and spend a week in warm weather with Noor.
Me and Nora went to find a polaroid camera and found out that production, as well as production of polaroid film, had been discontinued. Three days later I find out that production is going to start up again.
I really love irony sometimes, it's great.
It's been way, way too long since I've seen the used.
And i really can't wait for the 12th to go see my family and spend a week in warm weather with Noor.
Remember Kids.
ALWAYS RECYCLE.
And if you need a little something to motivate you,
Mitchell Davis always gets the job done.
And if you need a little something to motivate you,
Mitchell Davis always gets the job done.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Polaroids.
1.25.09
I am terrible at using the mousepad on my laptop. I can never get the mouse in the right place, and it takes me forever, etc. I have a wireless mouse, but the battery is dead. So i took the battery out and put a new one in... backwards, so now it's stuck and a bulldozer couldn't get it out. Oh well. I have hitting this morning and i hope it doesn't rip my hands apart as usual. Noor and I are going to get a polaroid camera later today. The film is so expensive, and I'm so cheap haha. But I think it's worth it, it's much more personal than any digital photo you could take. And if someday I find a shoebox full of polaroids I took around this time, I'm going to love it more than anything in the world. So, it's worth it. We're going to take it on vacation with us. And then cover our walls with them... so maybe scratch that shoebox idea?
Speaking of, yesterday i found a shoebox under my bed with an assortment of nicknacks and notes and other things you never really need but you feel compelled to keep a little while longer. In there i found gym class heroes tickets from 2006. It made me smile because i had been listening to papercut chronicles all day. There's a few records that soundtrack my winters, every year. And every year they sound a little bit sweeter. It's as if these sounds are wine, getting better with age. Either way, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
I meant for this to be a few lines long... I guess you could say I tend to take the long way around saying something short. I'll add that to the list of what I do wrong daily.
I am terrible at using the mousepad on my laptop. I can never get the mouse in the right place, and it takes me forever, etc. I have a wireless mouse, but the battery is dead. So i took the battery out and put a new one in... backwards, so now it's stuck and a bulldozer couldn't get it out. Oh well. I have hitting this morning and i hope it doesn't rip my hands apart as usual. Noor and I are going to get a polaroid camera later today. The film is so expensive, and I'm so cheap haha. But I think it's worth it, it's much more personal than any digital photo you could take. And if someday I find a shoebox full of polaroids I took around this time, I'm going to love it more than anything in the world. So, it's worth it. We're going to take it on vacation with us. And then cover our walls with them... so maybe scratch that shoebox idea?
Speaking of, yesterday i found a shoebox under my bed with an assortment of nicknacks and notes and other things you never really need but you feel compelled to keep a little while longer. In there i found gym class heroes tickets from 2006. It made me smile because i had been listening to papercut chronicles all day. There's a few records that soundtrack my winters, every year. And every year they sound a little bit sweeter. It's as if these sounds are wine, getting better with age. Either way, it never fails to put a smile on my face.
I meant for this to be a few lines long... I guess you could say I tend to take the long way around saying something short. I'll add that to the list of what I do wrong daily.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
btdubz.
I also had a dream that I got on my plane and went to Alabama and then like two days later I remembered that Noor was supposed to come with me and I got so pissed and I tried to tell her to catch another plane there.
Oh and this really brootal kid was there.
Oh and this really brootal kid was there.
Before This Wave Crashes Over Us.
1.24.09
I'm so excited for:
January 31st.
February 6th.
February 12th.
February 25th.
February 27th.
February 28th.
March 5th & 6th.
March 7th.
April 29th.
You know, love my life.
I'm so excited for:
January 31st.
February 6th.
February 12th.
February 25th.
February 27th.
February 28th.
March 5th & 6th.
March 7th.
April 29th.
You know, love my life.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wow.
1.23.09.
I'm a huge asshole. But not in the way that I'm mean. I'm just fucking stupid. I overthink, I overspeak, and every descision I ever make bites me in the ass in some way sooner or later. I'm surrounded by really shitty people. Even people who I consider to be closest to me. Who's to say I'm not just as shitty. Because I am, but just more in the way that I make a fool out of myself without realizing until a few minutes later. You can TRUST ME on this one, I fully recognize just how much everyone views me as a thorn in their side, the person they'd rather do without having to acknowledge everyday. I comprehend it, and beat myself up over it much, much more than you'll ever believe.
Nevermind, I'm just a stupid girl with no spine.
I couldn't stand up for myself if my life depended on it.
Nevermind, I'm just a stupid girl with no spine.
I couldn't stand up for myself if my life depended on it.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
It's The Little Things You Miss.
1.17.09
I've been unseemingly blank, despite the excitement I've surely experienced this past week or so. It's funny to me how ideas pop into your mind and only hours later you've already done what you were thinking of. I remember the land where things took careful planning, long waiting and anticipation. I find myself acting on impulse, lately, more than ever before. Then again i find myself over worrying about every little thing. Wait a second, i've always done that...
This time last year, i NEVER would have imagined myself like this. Okay, maybe a little, maybe i even reallllly wanted myself to be more like this but i never thought i could actually do it.
Who am i kidding? I live for words spoken by those i admire. My brain feeds on words that make it think. There are a few select people and phrases that are responsible for my brain telling my lungs to keep breathing.
No, I'm not different than i ever was.
Why are you talking to me. why are you doing this to me. i was done.and then you had to go and fucking ruin it. because you're a ruiner. and that's all you are. the end.
Listening To: As Much As I Ever Could - City and Colour.
I've been unseemingly blank, despite the excitement I've surely experienced this past week or so. It's funny to me how ideas pop into your mind and only hours later you've already done what you were thinking of. I remember the land where things took careful planning, long waiting and anticipation. I find myself acting on impulse, lately, more than ever before. Then again i find myself over worrying about every little thing. Wait a second, i've always done that...
This time last year, i NEVER would have imagined myself like this. Okay, maybe a little, maybe i even reallllly wanted myself to be more like this but i never thought i could actually do it.
Who am i kidding? I live for words spoken by those i admire. My brain feeds on words that make it think. There are a few select people and phrases that are responsible for my brain telling my lungs to keep breathing.
No, I'm not different than i ever was.
Why are you talking to me. why are you doing this to me. i was done.and then you had to go and fucking ruin it. because you're a ruiner. and that's all you are. the end.
Listening To: As Much As I Ever Could - City and Colour.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
1.7.08.
Stop.
Stop Thinking.
Stop wanting to give in.
Stop caring.
Stop trying to fix the past.
Stop losing what you worked for.
Stop trying to make it how it was before.
Stop trying to bring back old times.
Stop trying to fix it.
Get over it.
Accept It.
Aceept Change.
Accept Endings.
Stop Thinking.
Stop trying.
DON'T CAVE IN.
Because for every time i tell myself that you don't exist in my life anymore, there's a piece of me that wants to still care. And there's also a piece of me just dying to try and fix it. Because i can't leave well enough alone.
The End.
Stop.
Stop Thinking.
Stop wanting to give in.
Stop caring.
Stop trying to fix the past.
Stop losing what you worked for.
Stop trying to make it how it was before.
Stop trying to bring back old times.
Stop trying to fix it.
Get over it.
Accept It.
Aceept Change.
Accept Endings.
Stop Thinking.
Stop trying.
DON'T CAVE IN.
Because for every time i tell myself that you don't exist in my life anymore, there's a piece of me that wants to still care. And there's also a piece of me just dying to try and fix it. Because i can't leave well enough alone.
The End.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Because Of What Haunts Me.
1.2.09
It feels so weird to write 2009. I don't feel like it's 2009. Not at all, not in the least bit. A part of me still feels like it's november 2004. A tiny fraction of a percentage of me feels like it's 2009. But the rest of me just feels like every day of 2008 is happening all at once. Literally. Maybe it's because so much happened, and i'm not ready to let any of it go. Or maybe it's because all i really want to do is let it all go. I really don't know. I can't think lately. I don't want to think about the past. And i sure as hell don't want to think about the future. I'm starting to live each day seperately. I don't incorporate things from past, and i don't depend on or lean towards the future. Because right now, the future scares the life out of me. I wish i could take each individual day, and strecth it out for a month. How many times have i said this next statement? I really don't like people. I know too many shitty people. And half the reasons i consider people to be shitty, i fit those descriptions. But the point is, i have the best friends in the world. I know that. And i know that they're all i need right now, and all i could probably need in the future. I live for them. I live for the words of people who really know what they're talking about. For the first time in my life, I know why i'm here, I know what I've come to realize, i know how to be strong. Even though, i feel nothing like that. I have no idea what's going on. Here's to living for today. This could wreck me or save me.
I know who I love, I know who I need. And to be completely honest with you, I could care less if everyone else dropped off the face of the earth. Bye.
"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us."
It feels so weird to write 2009. I don't feel like it's 2009. Not at all, not in the least bit. A part of me still feels like it's november 2004. A tiny fraction of a percentage of me feels like it's 2009. But the rest of me just feels like every day of 2008 is happening all at once. Literally. Maybe it's because so much happened, and i'm not ready to let any of it go. Or maybe it's because all i really want to do is let it all go. I really don't know. I can't think lately. I don't want to think about the past. And i sure as hell don't want to think about the future. I'm starting to live each day seperately. I don't incorporate things from past, and i don't depend on or lean towards the future. Because right now, the future scares the life out of me. I wish i could take each individual day, and strecth it out for a month. How many times have i said this next statement? I really don't like people. I know too many shitty people. And half the reasons i consider people to be shitty, i fit those descriptions. But the point is, i have the best friends in the world. I know that. And i know that they're all i need right now, and all i could probably need in the future. I live for them. I live for the words of people who really know what they're talking about. For the first time in my life, I know why i'm here, I know what I've come to realize, i know how to be strong. Even though, i feel nothing like that. I have no idea what's going on. Here's to living for today. This could wreck me or save me.
I know who I love, I know who I need. And to be completely honest with you, I could care less if everyone else dropped off the face of the earth. Bye.
"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us."
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