Because Of What Haunts Me.

1.2.09

It feels so weird to write 2009. I don't feel like it's 2009. Not at all, not in the least bit. A part of me still feels like it's november 2004. A tiny fraction of a percentage of me feels like it's 2009. But the rest of me just feels like every day of 2008 is happening all at once. Literally. Maybe it's because so much happened, and i'm not ready to let any of it go. Or maybe it's because all i really want to do is let it all go. I really don't know. I can't think lately. I don't want to think about the past. And i sure as hell don't want to think about the future. I'm starting to live each day seperately. I don't incorporate things from past, and i don't depend on or lean towards the future. Because right now, the future scares the life out of me. I wish i could take each individual day, and strecth it out for a month. How many times have i said this next statement? I really don't like people. I know too many shitty people. And half the reasons i consider people to be shitty, i fit those descriptions. But the point is, i have the best friends in the world. I know that. And i know that they're all i need right now, and all i could probably need in the future. I live for them. I live for the words of people who really know what they're talking about. For the first time in my life, I know why i'm here, I know what I've come to realize, i know how to be strong. Even though, i feel nothing like that. I have no idea what's going on. Here's to living for today. This could wreck me or save me.


I know who I love, I know who I need. And to be completely honest with you, I could care less if everyone else dropped off the face of the earth. Bye.


"Most of us go to our graves with our music still inside of us."