Which Stage Is This?

Have you ever been in a situation where something happened, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't ever recognize it in your mind as actually having happened? I guess by the way it's described you could call it denial. But that's not really what it is... not for me at least. I'm not denying in any way that is happened, but i just can't honestly believe it. I feel like in a few moments I'm going to wake up... or Talia is going to tell me it was all just a joke. Envy on the coast held extra respect from me because they were always so equal, they always appeared in my mind as five 20% pieces to this magnificent puzzle. No piece represented more than any other piece. You could laugh at me or tell me I'm acting as if someone close to me has passed away. I know it's slightly over-done, the way I'm thinking about this and processing it. But these people represented so much in my life. Their words and music spoke when I could not. I found comfort in the music they create when I could not find comfort in anything else. But yes, this sure as hell seems like an over reaction.

Back to my initial statement, I don't think I will ever be able to look at them and seriously recognize them as a four-piece... Or look at them with a new member and see them as "Envy On The Coast." It just doesn't seem right. They've been my absolute favorite band since the moment I heard of them about 2 years ago. In that time I've been privelaged enough to witness them live eleven times. Eleven of the most fun nights of my life, no doubt about it. One of those nights I've even always considered to be "THE best night of my life." I could write a books worth of memories regarding them, and every single one could make me crack a smile. Because of them I've met some of the greatest and nicest people. Moriah, Liz, Amanda, Mia, Keaton, Cassieandra who I became so close to, all of the girls on the boards, and especially Erika, who's one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met, and Maggie, who is probably the greatest friend I've ever had in my life.

In the past few months I sort of thought to myself how things appeared to be beginning to change...
But to sit here and think that this is just never going to be the way they originally were, just drives me crazy, and saddens me to a point of disbelief.
You arrogant son of a bitch.
Call me an over reaction because,
Yes, this all just set in on me.